Stuff I wish I'd done/not done

Some thoughts upon completion
(perhaps a disclaimer on stuff that you read and thought - "buh?")


60,025 words. But that includes chapter headings (thankyou Word) so it is somewhere just under 60,000 words. Still, it's a whole lot bigger than 50k which was the original goal.


I should clarify that the whole thing was genuinely made up on the spot. I had an idea for the first chapter, and the third where she met Sebastian, but that was all I had. I had no idea who these people were and where they were going, and it was fascinating to see how these people, in a way, just wrote themselves. There was only one chapter that was redrafted, chapter 5 - and that was because I originally wrote it with a goal and tried to work towards that goal (I don't remember what that goal was) and it sucked. I went against everything these characters should be doing, and so I rewrote the whole thing at the last minute.


Also, I deliberately kept the locale vague. I wanted it to be set anywhere, so I tried to avoid anything that defined the city where it was taking place, though in my head it was very specific parts of Melbourne. I did name two cars, and wish I hadn't.


So anyway, let's start with a positive: I really dig the name Sandra Walker. Names are hard things to come up with, I reckon I spent more time thinking up names that suited that anything else. So I like that name. 


Next, a negative: I really hate the name Daniel Cameron. I was running late, and that name just popped into there: 'I'll fix it later'. But it became pivotal, particularly given that it wasn't the victim's name so why was she remembering it in a dream? Shit, I don't know. And it clearly took me a long time to figure out. The last chapter justification was, I admit, a tad on the weak side. If I redraft, I'd probably rework that whole thing. I like the idea of the scenario around the name, but the reason could be be better. Enough rambling. Time for some points:


A number of things that I instantly regret doing in this process.


The first one was giving two characters the same name. Richard & Richard Pohler. Way to generate confusion. It was initially simply a way of ending the chapter: Woo, same name, Wooo, it's his son! Da Da Daaaaa. But then it just got messy.


Second, Daniel Cameron (see above)


Third, Stephen & Sebastian - too many S Pohler's. Again, made it messy.


Fourth, the ages of Richard snr & Stephen. Utterly inconsistent. Made no sense to me, and in the end I gave up trying to figure it out and just let them do what they did.


Fifth, Clark. Who the hell was Clark? What was his story? Why did he have such a stupid name? I had no idea, in case you hadn't noticed. I'd forgotten about the weird guy at the bar with them, and I'd forgotten they'd met Daniel Cameron (or someone pertaining to be him) that night at the bar, so I had to work something in. 


Fifth (Part B) - introducing the thugs, the guys in suits, etc. Lost the plot around there, and the word 'gun' made its way in and I really didn't want to do that. I got exceptionally busy around that time, and had to just pump the chapters out. I needed a threat of some kind, and I had run out of ideas. Important note: Mysterious organisations, gangsters & guns = author out of ideas. Easy, familiar archetypes with no depth. Although, it did introduce us to Stephen's violent temper, and gave me a way of bringing that Clark guy back in.


Sixth - Stephen's wife calling him Daniel. Stephen having a 'family'. Stephen's job. Stephen's house. The was Stephen was introduced. But not the idea of Stephen.


Seven: the phones?? What was with that? In hindsight, I could rework the phones, but in case you hadn't noticed I really confused myself with them.


Stuff I'm quite pleased with.


Chapter 8. I love chapter 8. 


In the end, despite the shonkiness of who killed who, the reason it all came about. The fact that there was no clear "killer" of sorts, that it came about due to family not communicating properly, distrust etc from so long ago. I like that Stephen's original motivations were to destroy the life of the brother who had destroyed his under a misapprehension (I like that word, even if its not entirely appropriate okay?), and that in the end, because of what he had done, it was futile but he was driven to desperation and he persisted all the same. I like that, in essence, the principal bad guy was once a good person. 


I think Sandra and Liz were good characters. Could be defined more, but I liked them. I think Sebastian was interesting too, and I agonized over whether I should kill him or not, I really did. But I never regretted it - I wished I hadn't, in a way, but it was necessary to keep things moving. 


There's a few other bibs and bobs that I like. The way that you never actually find out what's on the stick. The stuff about shaved bums (bottoms amuse me, ok?). The rain. Love rain, and people shouting exposition in the rain at night in the streetlight. The blank canvass (with thanks to my wife whose idea it was), and even though it was inserted clumsily I like that something that was scenery could become a key link. The share house, the underused flatmates and Greek lady next door. Little bits of scenery. Four Legs (or The Four Legs, depending on which chapter it is), I'd like to go into more detail on that. Wank it up, so to speak.


Umm... I'm sure there's more bits, but I don't want to make this too long.


And in the end, there was the end.


These are a few reflective thoughts on the process. Perhaps the most fascinating part was the instant feedback - to write a book and have people feedback straight away over what they liked, and giving me an idea on where to continue. There's an early comment I think on Chapter One or Two by Michael O'Sullivan, analysing how she reacts to finding Richard's dead body. Now, I wrote it that way because I didn't have much time to think about it, and so she had to react pragmatically and be detached. The TV stuff was because I kept thinking about TV shows, and how they dealt with it, so she did too. I didn't have time to deal with complex emotions. But after that comment, Sandra and Death became a bit of a theme for me, how she reacts to Sebastian, then killing Clark, the dead manager with no name. That comment drove all of that - in fact, that comment may have been why I killed Sebastian. It was something that I simply hadn't considered.


One thing I did set out to do was create a character that could figure things out. That is to say, if I'd figured it out then she had too. I didn't want anybody reading it and screaming at the main character OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, HE'S THE MURDERER ITS BLOODY OBVIOUS. I hate that stuff.


In essence, I'd like to say thanks for reading it, if you did. If you didn't, then reading this was a stupid thing to do because it either made no sense or gave away bits of something that you're probably not going to read now. Stop it.


I greatly appreciate the support of those that came along, in particular my wife for proofreading and emailing me at work after she'd read that days chapter so I could go back and fix name mix ups etc. Not editing - fixing.


Again, I ask, comment below if you agree/disagree with stuff I liked or didn't like, or just drop a comment so I have an idea of how many people actually followed along rather than glanced and went away (blog stats are not exactly reliable).


I've decided to redraft down the track and see what happens. I like Sandra. I have a semester of uni, work etc to get through first though. 


In the meantime, come the end of August, I'm taking this blog down. it was a 30 day thing, then 30 days to catch up. After that, it's over.


Will I ever do this again? 






um...








Probably not.